Don't punish your children if you want them to grow up resilient
"The word 'gentle'" is encouraging. That's why I don't use it. People think it means never saying no, but it's not."
In her book, Delahooke, who is a child psychologist, discusses a new method of raising children called 'responsible parenting'.
How does responsible parenting work?
Delahooke's book challenges the assumption that children seek negative attention, to get something they want, or for no reason at all.
This assumption, she says, leads to consequences when you are practicing traditional parenting.
"We believe that children want to please their parents."
A child who cries in a store because something is not being bought for him is not meant to be ungrateful or difficult. They simply haven't developed the emotional tools to deal with disappointment.
"They haven't built the self-regulatory loop yet," she says. "The ability to accept frustration and unpredictability."
And traditional parenting doesn't take that into account. In responsible parenting, you acknowledge how they feel.
"You have to teach a child to fix it," she says. "You build self-regulation through relationships of safety and trust."