Esther Perel: 3 steps to make up for bad behavior towards a partner
2024-09-03 15:05:33
TiranaPost
During a long-term relationship, priorities change and sometimes your partner takes second place to the stressors of health, family or work. Sometimes they are in that backseat for a very long time.
If you've been an absent partner and want to rekindle the intimacy you once had, it can feel awkward, and that's understandable, says renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel.
Here are three steps to help you.
1. Admit your bad behavior
To start the conversation, Perel offers the following scenario:
"Yes, I have been away for a long time and I want to take full responsibility for my behavior."
Perhaps you have been depressed or are caring for a sick family member. Accept that no matter how important the reason was, you understand that it has affected the cooling of the relationship.
2. Take responsibility several times
After resentment grows, forgiveness is often not enough. Perel says a good rule of thumb is to take responsibility three times.
"If taking responsibility is not taken as a basis by the partner, the burden of forgiveness shifts to the other person," she says.
After the third apology if your partner still won't accept your repentance, it's up to them to figure out why and how they want to move on.
3. Ask them to engage
If they agree to work on rekindling the relationship, start making some plans.
"If you do things that you enjoy that are familiar and comfortable, then you will often strengthen your friendship," says Perel. "But if you want to bring love to the center, then you have to do things that are new, with more risk."
