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The power of meaning to change lives

Ka një ndjesi boshllëku që torturon njerëzit dhe nuk duhet të jemi të prekur nga depresioni për ta kuptuar. Lumturia vjen e ikën. Ajo që e shtyn këtë dëshpërim nuk është mungesa e lumturisë. Është mungesa e diçkaje tjetër, mungesa e kuptimit të jetës. Kur jeta është vërtetë e bukur apo kur gjërat shkojnë për dreq, pasja e një kuptimi na jep diçka ku të mbahemi. Kjo më bëri që të shtroja disa pyetje.

The power of meaning to change lives

By Emily Esfahani Smith / I once thought that the purpose of life was to pursue happiness. Everyone said that the road to happiness was success, so I looked for an ideal job, a perfect fiancé, a beautiful apartment. But instead of feeling satisfied, I felt anxious and at the mercy of fate. I was not alone: ​​my friends were experiencing the same emotions.

I finally decided to graduate from a psychology school to learn what makes people really happy. What I discovered changed my life.

Evidence shows that pursuing happiness can make us unhappy. This data hit me hard: the suicide rate continues to rise in the world, reached the highest point in the last 30 years in America. Although living conditions are improving in almost every aspect, more and more people are feeling depressed, depressed and lonely.

There is a sense of emptiness that tortures people and we do not have to be affected by depression to understand it. Sooner or later, I believe we will all ask ourselves: is that all there is to it?

According to research, what drives this despair is not a lack of happiness. It is the lack of something else, the lack of meaning in life. This prompted me to ask some questions.

Is there anything more important in life than being happy? What is the difference between being happy and finding meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as a state of well-being and relief, a good feeling at that particular moment. But there is more. Renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from relationships, serving something beyond oneself and developing the best in oneself. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I think the search for meaning is the best solution. And studies show that those who have meaning in life are more resilient, perform better at school and at work, and live longer.

All this made me think how can we live in a more meaningful way? To find out, I interviewed people for five years, I read thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy. Putting it all together, I discovered what I call the four pillars of our lives.

The first pillar is connections. Relationships come from having relationships in which we value ourselves for who we are and where we value others. But in some groups and relationships superficial connections are made, where we are valued for what we believe, for hatred and not for what we are. True relationships have their source in love. They are built from separate moments with others and represent a choice: you can cultivate connections.

The second pillar is the goal. Finding our own purpose is not the same as finding a job that makes us happy. One goal is less about what we want and more about what we give. An employee of a hospital told me that his goal was to heal sick people. Many parents tell me, "My goal is to raise my children." To give meaning to life, man must use his energy to serve others. For many of us, this happens through work. Here is how we contribute and feel needed. Without anything profitable to do, people struggle. Of course we do not have to find purpose in work, but work gives us something to live on, some "whys" that move us forward.

The third pillar of meaning is to go beyond ourselves, but in a completely different way: through transcendence. Transcendental states are those rare moments in which we emerge from the fury of everyday life, where the perception of ourselves fades and where we feel connected to a superior reality. Some think that transcendence is created by the observation of art. Some others by faith. For me, as a writer, transcendence comes through writing. Sometimes I get so lost in writing that I lose every concept of time and space.

These transcendental experiences can change us. In one study, some students looked at eucalyptus trees 200 feet [200 m] high for about a minute. After feeling like seeing the trees, they felt less egocentric and appeared more generous when it was their turn to help someone.

And then the fourth pillar I discovered amazes people. The fourth pillar is the telling of stories, of our history telling itself. Knitting a story from life events brings us more clarity. It helps us to understand how we became ourselves. We often do not realize that we are the authors of our stories and that we can change them as we tell them. Life is not just a sequence of events. It can be changed, interpreted and shown again even if it is locked by facts.

I met a man named Emeka, paralyzed after a football injury. After the injury, Emeka said to herself: "My life was fantastic in the times when I played football, but look at me now." But over time it began to create a different story. The new story was: “Before the accident, my life was pointless. I did a lot of things and I was a very selfish guy. "The injury made me realize I could be a better person." This change in his story changed Emeka's life. After telling the story to herself, Emeka began to lead the children and discovered his purpose: to serve others. Those who have a meaningful life tend to tell their story as defined by redemption, growth, and love.

Connections, goals, transcendence and telling your own story: here are the four pillars of a meaningful life. We need to build these pillars in our families and institutions to help people become better. Living a meaningful life requires effort. It is an ongoing work. Every day we create our lives, adding something to our history. And sometimes we make mistakes.

You need to build these pillars in your families and institutions to help people become better. Living a meaningful life requires effort. It is an ongoing work. Every day we create life, adding something to our history. And sometimes we misunderstand. This is significant power. Happiness comes and goes. But when life is really beautiful or when things go to hell, having a meaning gives us something to hold on to.

* Emily Esfahani Smith is an American writer, focused on philosophy and psychology. Her most famous book is "The Power of Meaning", while she collaborates with various newspapers and magazines such as "The Atlantic", "The Washington Post", "New York Times" etc. The article was translated into Albanian by Erjon Uka.