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10 mistakes parents make with children (including myself)

10 mistakes parents make with children (including myself)

When I became a mother I was given endless advice, but only recently I realized that to love the child means to love his well-being in the long run.

When my four daughters were little I spent time providing them with the most basic necessities: food, bathing, sleeping on a walk. Now that they are older I think more about them in the long run.

I say to myself: What can I do today to encourage them? Or, how to spend more quality time with me?

What makes my kids happy at the age of 10 or 15 is somewhat different from what will make them happy when they are 25, 30, 40 years old and beyond.

One day I came across a post that said there is an increase in the number of 20-year-olds who are depressed and do not know the reason why. They admit they had a magical childhood. Their parents are their best friends. They never experienced tragedy or disappointment. However, for some reason, they are unhappy and feel depressed.

One of the reasons analyzed by psychologists was the fact that parents today rush to intervene quickly when children have a difficulty, not to let them face it. We actually remove obstacles to make their lives easier. But dramas are part of life and only by facing them can our children build the skills to cope with life. So while it seems like we are doing them a favor, but in fact we are hindering their growth. We achieve short-term benefits at the expense of long-term well-being.

My favorite philosophy on parenting is: 'Prepare your child for the road and do not pave the way for your child'.

So I want to share the 10 mistakes we make with children (including myself), not to point the finger at the culprit, but to raise awareness that we can no longer be justified through the sentence: I am a good parent.

Mistake number 10: Worshiping our children.

Many of us live child-centered lives. Our kids love this, of course, because our lives revolve around them. It excites us to do everything for them.

But it is important to keep in mind that our children are made to be loved, not worshiped. So when we treat them as the center of the universe, we create a false idol. Instead of child-centered homes, we should strive to build God-centered homes.

Mistake number 9: When we believe our children are perfect

One thing I often hear from professionals working with children is that parents today do not want to hear anything negative about their children. When concerns arise, even concerns expressed by love, parents become angry with the messenger. The truth may be bitter, but if we listen to it openly we can benefit.

Mistake number 8: Living diligently through our children.

We parents are very proud of our children. When they succeed, it makes us even happier than they do themselves. But if we are too involved and invested in their lives, it becomes difficult to see where the child ends and when we begin. We can not project on the child what we have not achieved ourselves and are held hostage to the past.

Mistake number 7: Wanting to be your child's best friend.

When I asked the priest the biggest mistake parents make with their children, he told me: Let the parents be parents, not asking for more than they can reach. Like everyone, I want my kids to love me. Wanting to be a close friend of the child only brings about tolerating mistakes for fear of disapproval.

Mistake number 6: Being a competitive parent.

Every parent sees their child's performance with peers as a bit of a competition. But it should not be exaggerated. There are many broken friendships between small and big friends just because of it. Jealousy blinds. The child should be encouraged to create character and not necessarily victory. Character may not seem important in adolescence, but in adulthood it is everything.

Mistake number 5 : When children are deprived of childhood.

Every time I saw clutter in my house I remembered how happy I was to share the house with the little kids. I thought: One day I will miss these images. There will be no Barbies in my bathtub, baby dolls in my crib or Mary Poppins on the DVD player. My windows will be clean of sticky handprints, and my house will be quiet because my daughters will hang out with friends instead of staying home with me.

Raising young children can be hard, monotonous work. Sometimes it is so exhausting physically and emotionally that we wish they were older to make our lives easier. We are also curious how they will grow. What will be their passion?

But as we project for the future we forget to let them enjoy the present, the childhood that no longer comes to them.

Mistake number 4: Raising the child we want, not the child we have. As parents, we hold dreams for our children. They start when we get pregnant, before the gender is known. We secretly hope they are like us, only smarter and more talented. We want to be their mentors, using our life experiences.

But the irony of parenting is that kids turn our shapes upside down. They come out in ways we never anticipated. Our task is to understand that they are their natural inclinations, commanded by God, and to train them in that direction. The obligation of our dreams will not work. Only when we look at them for who they are, can we powerfully influence their lives.

Mistake number 3: Forgetting our actions speaks louder than words.

Try to fill them with wisdom by telling them what to do and forget that they learn more from the way we behave. You can not treat every child the same and you can not demand the same things from everyone. They are special!

Mistake number 2: Judging other parents and their children.

Although we disagree with someone's parenting style, it is not our job to judge. No one in this world is good or bad. Everyone has their skills. We are all a mixture of the two together.

Mistake number 1: Underestimation of Character.

Character, moral fiber, an inner compass ... these things lay the foundations for a happy and healthy future. They matter more than any commendation sheet or trophy you will ever receive.

It’s hard to watch the baby fall, but sometimes it should. There are a million ways to love a child, but in our quest to make them happy, let us be aware that sometimes it takes short-term pain to make long-term profits.

* The Huffington Post article was adapted in Albanian by Tiranapost.al